Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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