he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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