There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize