I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smell my finger.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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