This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
