Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
