i permit you to call me
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
