is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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