I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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