i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
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My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
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They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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