Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
