guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
