My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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