It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
