if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
