it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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