he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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