wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
