What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
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the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
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What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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