Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
