around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
