I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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