I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
