I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
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this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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