Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
