After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
