It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
