just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
