tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
