I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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