peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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