My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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