We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
