i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
50% drunk capacity currently
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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