I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
