I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Do vagina's smell?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
