You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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