My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
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If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
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He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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