I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My bed is full of blood and feathers
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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