considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
