im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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