i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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