A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
