sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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