I heard we made out
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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