My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
