I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm jealous of your bromance
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
