Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
