Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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