I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
