white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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