Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
