She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
