did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
