No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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