you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
