ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
