shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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