I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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