I looked at my own cervix.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
