My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
