new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
