Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
